Got 4 hours of sleep last night and made my appointment back home and got back here at a reasonable hour. Edited a track all night and have a list of ‘to-dos’ for adding like little (or big) sfx to tracks that are pretty set in stone. I think I’ll be in good shape by the end of this week. I mean.. I kinda have to be.. hahaha.
So I need to sync a few things for the slot machine games I’m working on and I’m waiting to hear from my boss about some stuff concerning those but I’m excited. I’m starting work on the Subaru commercial in about a week and a half. The next two weeks are going to be early mornings editing and cranking it at work. A couple of overnight sessions in the studios, and then a bunch of mixing sessions later and hopefully I’ll be good. .. how the fuck am I gonna finish my album by the 20th and why did I think this was a good idea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m so insecure over so much that I’ve written, blah.. and then part of me doesn’t really give a shit.
I’m waking up stupid early and making waffles. I’m SO much more productive right now sitting in bed and editing. I cranked a TON out for 3 hours straight. I figure if I do this with the remainder of what I have left to do, it’ll be about 16 hours remaining if I take my time, then all the rest will be what it is. I’ve never felt so many emotions at once!! I’m excited, nervous, wanna back out, wanna go forward, want to eat waffles, and.. yeah I just basically wanna eat waffles.
Okie dokes. Def time to sleepsleepsleep. Night!
So, tonight was stupid. I got nothing done at work because my phone was blowing up with texts. A roommate’s ex girlfriend decided to trespass into the apartment and locked herself in my roommate’s room and refused to leave until he got home, so long story short, I had to handle it from work and had to call the cops to make sure she left the area. Another roommate finally got her out once I threatened to call the cops but shit like that destroys my workflow. It makes me not want to live here because I feel like my home is disrupted with stuff that should be held private by others and I feel like I have had to keep an ear out to make sure she doesn’t come back. Once again, I cannot WAIT till the day where I can afford a home in the countryside, away from the city and disruptions, save for wind blowing through trees and birds chirping. But those are good distruptions, and you can sample them. People are crazy.
Need to get up for an orthodontist appointment in 4.5 hours…. Cannot sleep.
Been drowning my mind with pretty Radiohead songs. Happy :-)
I hope I can get my album done.. Hahahaha.. Nowhere close still.
Anyway, I guess I’ll try to sleep.. My mind is rushing with stuff I don’t really care about and don’t want there anymore.
I really hope my roommates remember to lock up tomorrow.. I do NOT want to wake to this psycho bitch in my kitchen because I won’t be as friendly.. My gear is too important and I won’t let negativity or crazies anywhere near. Bitch go byebye.
19 days remain on my self made deadline.
Silly things occur lately that make the big picture look better and things push me away from what’s happening as of now.
Day off today, editing SFX and mixing.
Lying in bed, watching Harry Potter right now.
It’s warm out at 32F/0C since the other days have been -9F (windchill).
Never trust a Californian when it comes to Boston weather. We are the winter warriors. But the Canadians are more brutal than us since they’ve seen worse. It’s been cold as shit outside as of late.
I love blueberries and lemons. And the Blueberry mic by Blue.
And Spitfire Audio.
Upcoming: bitcrushed memories (my album), scoring my first television ad (Subaru commercial), waiting for animations for a game to sync SFX.
Doing my thing..
I need groceries.
And to stop laundry fairies from stealing my socks. I know they like them because they are patterned.
I need sleep. The part few days:
Thursday: work 6- midnight.
Friday: home from work at 1am. 2 hours of sleep. Up at 6:30am, work 8:30am- midnight.
Saturday: home at 1am. 5 hours of sleep. Up at 8am, work 10-10.
I used to work way more!!
Needing warm weather.
Happy my body is accepting some sleep. Goodnight!
The Unicorn Princess
I got like NOTHING done today — I could like barely focus and did a little but not as much as I wanted to do. Really lame but whateverrrrr. Set the alarm got 6 hours from now and plan on wrapping up a project then and editing before work. I got Tuesday off and depending on how I feel after work at midnight, I might record a bit in the studio till the sun comes up. But maybe not; it all depends.. Gotta keep pushing myself, blah blah blah etc.
I love editing my wind chimes.
Saturday was lovely. The sun was shining, my bus left earlier than expected so I wasn’t late for work, and my classroom was lit by sunshine and Amy’s Lioness: Hidden Treasures. Oooour daaaay will cooome..
I edited audio for a track today. Tried figuring out why a sample I DELETED on a region for another is still playing in ProTools, even after deleting the .wav file and muting all tracks. Even after deleting every sample on that project file. So bizarre… Guess I’ll have to start over. Have to wrap up a few SFX today early after breakfast nommerz, edit all day, and record in the studio at 10pm. Not looking forward to having to pay for a cab, but maybe I’ll get enough done by 1am so I won’t have to. Or maybe I’ll stay overnight in the studio and zombie my way back home once the buses run again. We shall see..
Barely got any sleep last night, as people kept running up and down the stairs and switching lights on. And here I am, tiptoeing.. Can’t wait till I can afford my own home.
Wahoo. Okie, I’m getting soooo close to completion of my album and to the release date. It makes me want to throw up.
I haaaate Boston on Saturday nights. It’s literally a bunch of people from suburbs who come in and get trashed and put on a fake Southie accent and puke everywhere and hog up the bus. And yell. Wah wah wahhhh.
And I don’t like stepping in puddles and running out of socks.
But I like puppies and sunshine and daisies.
I need to sleep.
The unicorn princess
I always write really late, usually after work since most days I get home within this hour. I reflect on the day but my mind is such a blur because of how convoluted my thoughts and feelings are, and I sometimes think of something that sparks my creativity and lifts my heart in a wave of excitement for like a second and I want to work on music before I forget what I thought of. It’s kinda nice when words, feelings, thoughts, and what I hear all come together as one thing.
I was talking with someone special to me about motivation just now. How I am never satisfied, how I always feel like I need to prove myself.. But who am I proving myself to? Myself? People in the past who said I couldn’t do it? People who inspire me or mentors? I have no idea and it’s probably a mix of all of them. I’m pushed creatively the most when I’m surrounded by motivated people. Despite the severe debt I got from Berklee, I’m lucky to have been pushed into the extreme setting that I was, filled with extremely smart people who are just excited to create. Since I graduated a couple of years ago, I find myself pushing myself more than ever. My album, the games I’ve worked on, the sounds I created, audio contests, mixing techniques.. All of this. But I might never feel like it’s enough. Especially not while I live here. Not even just my apartment, but the boredom and loss I feel from being in Boston. It’s winter now so it’s obviously inevitable that it’s cold, but even in summer, there is something distant about this place to me and something that does not and will not ever click and everything feels temporary. I feel like I’m sometimes waiting for opportunities and I wish I didn’t have debt so I could just be a starving artist somewhere I love and suffer with little money happily, and not suffer with little money in a place that requires me to drain myself of happiness to gain money. Money is dumb and is nothing and everything. I just want to make enough so I can travel at will to people I love and keep a roof over my head. I take pride in my independence but it’s time for this chapter, here, to gradually coming to a close.
But what would happen if I had it? A place by rolling hills and big skies close enough to the train so I can wander London alleys and bookshops? And no loans? Would I be constantly inspired? What would motivate me? How much of my motivation now has to do with the push I feel to get the fuck out of here? I am really not as miserable as I sound, but I do crave adventure and I do feel like this is the part of the adventure where I need to take a risk. More risks. I always take risks.
And they usually end up ok. I do not regret anything and do not ever think back to a time where I didn’t do something and now I’m in remorse. Sometimes I wish I had done things differently, or certain things didn’t happen, but I guess I would be different, too.
The good thing about being who I am is that I know what I want. I am not flaky with my needs and I’ve always known what I want to do, what I like to do, who I like to be around, what I like to be around, and what makes me happy and sad. I’ve always wanted the same things. I was the child who begged my parents for years and years for guitar lessons and had to prove myself to them by stealing my brother’s guitar. We had very little money growing up between the eight of us and thinking back, I feel sorry for my persistence because I know that times weren’t easy. I hope both my parents know that I appreciate them recognizing that I loved music so much and maybe too much.
Limitations.. are there such a thing? Are we afraid of creating something great? I am terrified of creating a piece of shit.. and right now, I do fear the ‘what if’ trial of good things coming to me. It’s so silly and so natural for some reason for us to be afraid of good things.. whether it be someone caring for us, us working under someone, etc., but why are we? What bad things could happen if we accepted love from someone? Why think the ‘what if something better comes along’, when really all you need to sustain is comfort, fun, care, and trust? Why is having a bond with someone so scary for some? Are we afraid of us changing our minds? Something not meeting up to a fantasy that we created in our heads when we could create a reality with someone? Are we scared that we’ll be yelled at by a boss or not be motivated or good enough of fired? Not working the dream gig? Limitations limitations limitations.. At the end of the day, what matters is that we can look at ourselves and say ‘I know what I want to do with my talents, even if I’m not there yet’, and that we have someone who just gets us. I know I’m so tricky, so hard to handle when upset because I’m overworked sometimes, and for someone to say that they get me makes me feel ok about myself, just because I’m not a misunderstood mess of stupid.
2:03.. gonna get up early and record a bit. I feel so much better during the day when I have breakfast.
Despite things not being exactly how I pictured, I am grateful. I am not perfect, life is not perfect, I follow the typical broke ass person in their 20s with a degree, my teeth still aren’t perfect, my eyesight sucks, I’ve gone through heartache, but I have a person in my life that gets me when I don’t, I have a full time job in my field and contract work and I’ve made every student loan payment post graduation from doing music, I have braces and glasses, and I grow stronger. I’m in charge and sometimes that can be overwhelming. Nobody is gonna push you but yourself. I think it’s an amazing thing when we wake up and realize the babysteps.
Got a toooon done on a track I previously hated.. I hacked at it all day Monday and it fell together. Finally.. The other track, subsequently, began to fall together as well, because the production matches the other one, to some extent… I really had to change instrumentation and I created a few new ones in Absynth, and I went through my samples folder of Gameboy sounds I created and guitar sounds, and put those in, as well. And I recorded my wind chimes. Because ya never know when you’ll need some wind chimes. :-)
We’ve had SOOOOOO much damn snow. I cancelled my orthodontist appointment for today because of the storm and am trying to bump it to next week’s Tuesday so I don’t have to rush to work. Thankfully, we have a few warm (and by warm, I mean above freezing temps) coming up, including today. I’m getting my ass out of bed at 8AM with no excuses. Because I work the night shift at my full time job, I find myself going to bed wayyy later (to be expected, since I get home at 1AM), but I keep oversleeping and then feeling so groggy.. I have to wrap up some sound effect fixes for the company I’m doing contract work for and hopefully get everything done within the next couple days, and then it’ll be a wrap. I’m excited that my album will be out in a month and a day… I’m gonna make sure I abuse the crap out of this month. I’m gonna try to have everything finished by March 1st, like I said before.
This album basically wrote itself. I’m really, really excited and really, really fucking nervous to release it.
I need to clean my room and go grocery shopping… At least my laundry is done :-)
I got a surprise package in the mail today filled with chocolate and tea :-) This little princess was and still is pretty elated! :)
I’ve been doing some online window shopping for British houses… I cannot wait till I can live there :( I miss it there so much. Boston sucks.
Okie dokes, I’ve got Harry Potter running and I’m ready to snooze!! Six hours of sleep is enough, right? I can do this, right? NO MORE SLEEPING IN AHHHHH. Night night!!
I cannot wait until I can afford a place of my own. No need to elaborate more. I work best on music when in total peace and silence and without interruption.
Busy few days ahead: hitting my 12 hour work day today after just getting home from my Friday night shift. Almost done tweaking the last two tracks. Going home Sunday for my sister’s birthday dinner, day off Monday, and an orthodontist appointment on my day off on Tuesday, which means booking it back home to come back here. I do not miss that commute. Definitely excited to record vocals in the studio once I’m done producing these couple tracks. Excited to be done with this album because while I’m proud of it, I’m growing to be more excited about new tracks I’m coming up with and I cannot really focus on them now, despite kinda dying to be.. But whatever. My goal right now is honestly to wrap this shit up today for good, bounce stems, get home and fix up a few SFX for the slot machine company, have NOTHING left hanging for Sunday, solidify lyrics, record and edit all day Monday, book it home Tuesday and back immediately after, and edit all night. Be done everything March 1st so I can focus on publicizing my album for a harsh 19 days and release the 20th. Bam, done. Focus on booking shows, looking for a steady part time gig in a game studio, and um yeah, think of getting out of Boston for good, thanks. The goal is to just really book shows after my album and keep hacking at my loans. Putting happiness and health first. Boston offers really neither. This city offers me as much knowledge as I’m focused enough to gain, just like every city.. I’m grateful for what I have but I need a place of peace and excitement. Not this city anymore. I’m bored, cold, and as of March 20th, I’m ready for new challenges.
Also, I basically never do, but I’m not eating out anymore.. Only fruit plz.
It’s crunch time, baby!!!
The Unicorn Princess
3:34 AM for meep. Lil dummy of myself forgot my work laptop charger in (I hope) the studio today. So basically, today was dumb. Woke up, kept anxiously checking my phone in hopes that Berklee cancelled due to the storm. They did not. Got out of bed, called the safety office to see if there would be an early release and they said no, left, was stuck on the bus forever because of crap roads, finally get to Berklee, and then they text us to say there is an ~*early release*~!! Wowies! Thankz. So I pack up, walk through the tundra as my face is pelted with ice, wait for bus, get off, wait for next bus, it never showed up, stepped in puddle, slipped 3727958732859 times, get inside, and felt pukey because of lugging shit around. So whatevaaaa. Got work done, was sooo happy to be home in the warmth (despite me being a little whiney baby before), and my roommate let me borrow her laptop charger so I got A LOT done of the final 2 tracks. Made a bunch of new patches in Absynth and had fun with that (it’s kind tricky to work in!), and ye ye ye. Listened to Jeff Buckley and refound his cover (which I didn’t know was a cover ‘till tonight) of ‘We All Fall In Love Sometimes’ and I plan on doing a recording on it. Woo!
Gotta get my butt out of bed early, clean this room because it legitimately looks like a tornado of oinkas went through it (to put it lightly), chat with muh landlord about an issue, and go to work. Hopefully Berklee will stay closed. I like days off. I like my bed. I like sleep. alwayz!
Having fun chopping up tons of sound and my new obsession is convolution reverb and chopping up tails and reversing. I have so much fun with it.
I don’t know how anyone could want to live in a modern house. They are so creepy and clean and square and just looking at pictures makes me feel like I shouldn’t be.supplies. Welcome to our home, aka the creepy museum of cleaning products found in hospitals. Little village cottages ftw! Gimme one!!
Me thinking lots lately
Me working on album a lot lately
Me almost done album
Me have ideas for new album.
I’m lucky that these songs kinda wrote themselves and that picking up my guitar and noodling usually gives me ideas. My next album or EP or whatever I put out after this one is def gonna have a lot of guitar samples in it.. This one has some, but it’s not a lot that’s super apparent. Sometimes, yes. Other times, it’s so processed that you wouldn’t really notice.
Ok, I really need to sleep now. latah
The Unicorn Princess
P.S. I still have Jeff Buckley’s voice stuck in my head:
"Wise men say
It looks like rain today.
It crackled on the speakers
And trickled down the sleepy subway trains.
For heavy eyes could hardly hold us;
Aching legs that often told us:
It’s all worth it.
We all fall in love sometimes.”
I find myself content, wide awake, but also a little disappointed as to how little I got done today. I covered a coworker at work and did work a little with creating new instruments in Absynth, but other than that, nothing really got done. Work was busy today, Soundflower is an annoying piece of software and it really needs to not show up randomly within the playback engine of ProTools, and I’m glad that I’m not a drummer because carrying sets around is tiring. However, I do need to get some live drum samples… This is a project for a later date.
Changing a sound within one of my tracks did a WORLD of difference. I actually feel motivated now to get some work done, when before, I thought of pulling this track. My goal is to have every track stand out somehow on its own because I just cringe at the thought of someone skimming through my album and hearing a mediocre track and therefore skipping the whole thing. It’s inevitable but I’m trying to avoid it.
So, we’re supposed to get yet another storm on Thursday, and I’m really hoping for this one… I’ve been lucky so far and have had two Wednesdays off since the college closed and my shifts were thereby cancelled, and I would seriously dance if this Thursday was cancelled, too. I love my Thursday schedule but it’s my busiest. I do maintenance in all the studios (and by the way, there is a special place in hell for whoever poked and dented the tweeters on our right Dynaudio, and they will be located right between all the people you endure on buses who cough on you and the inevitable screaming babies that are always on flights), jump into a studio right after for mixing, I audit the Jitter class, and then I work till midnight. Productive, but busy. I could use a day in bed working my butt off on productions, too!
Here’s a pretty painting that caught my eye that my sister posted. It’s called ‘At Calcot’ and it’s by John Singer Sargent.
Here are my legs wrapped up in comfy yoga pants and knee socks, while hanging with three awesome books, some tea, and grapes.
Here’s England! I can nearly feel the chilly dew on me just from looking at this picture. Mooooo.
Found this on Tumblr and immediately recognized it as Berkeley Castle :) I went here! What a cool place to explore.. That day was fun.
England again. I love these fences, the way the sun hits this place, and everything.
~*England*~ And it should naht be a surprise that the rest of the pics are of here, too. It looks like morning here, I love the stone houses, it’s awesome, I hate Boston, ummmmmmmmmm I want chocolate.
Was not shocked at all when I saw this was near my Cloud home :-)
Little pub in Gloucestershire that I also found on Tumblr; I wanna play chess now :)
Beautiful Cathedral.. didn’t get a chance to see it in person but I would love to explore this place, run my hands over the stained glass, probs get arrested for doing so or get looked at like I’m some crazy lady, and I want to take a field recorder in here and record myself making bird noises. I have no idea why but this is what I would do if I was there right…. *~now*~.
I love how close the roads are. I love how it’s called ‘New England Coffee House’, because there is like nothing cool about New England, guys!!!!!!!! I want the old one!!!!! ~*don’t eva change*~
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I want to run through here like a psycho out of happiness and chase ice cream trucks and roll around in the dirt and go and have tea and dance around to Amy Winehouse while ironing and now I’m going to sleep because I have to face the reality that I will be in Boston for as long as it takes to find work in England.
I need to sleep. Night night