May The Way of the Hero Lead To The Triforce

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Texting is literally the worst form of communication.

I need stuff to start happening for me ASAP.. The thought of being here any longer is freaking me out. Boston, my apartment, my day job - all of it. Nearly everyone left and I am NOT going to be that person who is here forever. I’m busy, bet I need more work and to be making what I used to and I need to just get out. Being self motivated is really the only life saver here for my career but I’m at a point where I’m just drained from doing tasks that do not inspire me and I’m waiting on too many people and I need to be around driven people who are not flakes.

This is what I think about when waking up at 3AM. Everyone is transitioning and I keep being told to jump the gun and just do it, but it’s pretty difficult financially right now.

I just don’t want to be the person waiting around anymore. I’m patient but I desperately need something to just happen before I go mental… I’ve done a lot but my goals aren’t met yet. I have some crazy ones so far and if it can happen then great.

I want to work on a AAA title by December, 2014. I want to turn 25 with at least one credit. I want June to roll around and I want to be able to have enough in my bank account to push my loans through an extra month, have money for a plane ticket, and to be actively pushing my loans down. I want to have June roll around after another horrible winter and just bring in the new season with a new journey. It was supposed to happen by now.. And money is a huge part of it. I’m not scared whatsoever.

Till then.. I’ll be building modded up gameboys. I’ll be waiting on freelance. I’ll be finishing my EP, as my heart just isn’t in this one the way it was with the last one (since each track is about a different topic that probably isn’t occurring anymore). Follow back up with clients.. Move my stuff upstairs and redo my setup… Push myself to leave this city. I cannot stay motivated here much longer with people who are just not happy.

And now it’s sleeeeep.

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Tooootally burnt out from work this week. Been writing up start documents for DAWs all week for our staff all week and did more 5.1 setup training on the LS9 today.

My goal is to work on two AAA games this year, I’m hoping to finish my new EP soon and planning on releasing it Sept 22nd, and I’m starting to do tutorials this weekend.

So so happy lately though :) Finally, some amazing company!!!


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Fall is most definitely approaching! Chilly summer nights make me happy. Spending time with respectful and trustworthy people make happy. Been busy lately but got new sound demos ready to send off.
Sleep time :)

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More progress

Lots has happened — I got offered a job somewhere that will change my career for the better and I cannot really say what it is yet because I have no idea if I can take it because of scheduling. Needless to say, I can’t sleep and I’m panicking because of it. If I can take it, the next 6 weeks will be busy as hell but I know I’ll be really, really happy.

I’m lucky to have such awesome friends. Really!!

Finished writing 2 tracks that have been floating on loop repeat for the past 6 months or so. The last 24 hours have been me letting them go free and writing bits in. Nothing I write will ever sound exactly how I want, but I’m learning to just let go. I have 4 tracks ready for mixing for my new EP. Five, if one isn’t accepted to a contest I submitted it to.

I have two new sound design demo reels completed.

If I can accept this job, it’ll help me career wise, financially, and I can afford a trip later in the year. All good things :)

So, I will find out more around noon. I just do not want the outcome to be negative… I’m nervous.

I’ll update more once I can.

Oh, and also - I took a guitar bit from the last album and reversed it… The outcome was better than the original. It’s a totally different story. I’ve been making a string mockup around it and have some ideas for pads to make to fill out the sound, but mixing soft synths with clean guitar has always been a struggle for me. I’ll make it work.

Gotta get album art on the go!!!

Cheers to good luck and happiness :)

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New ways

You start to learn more about yourself when you’re out there living, dealing with situations, going through hardships and then observing the outcome. Always learning, always living. I’m an emotional person and always have been, and experiences write my music for itself.

I’ve been busy. I did a few sound replacements, worked on a game that got pulled from a game jam last minute, finished a track that I’m submitting to a collab record that I hope gets chosen, and just working. I built so many sound effects this week and it was tiring.

I feel kind of ill. I have to wake up early for work and my stomach hurts and I feel generally unwell.

I do not like the waiting game but all the best things come from it. I don’t like the anxiety of waiting. Waiting means someone else is choosing your fate for you and I like doing everything myself. Too independent for my own good. Patience is indeed a virtue..

Whenever I’m this stressed, I always feel like I put in too much effort and I get angry with myself. I need to just sleep this crappy mood off. 16.5 hour work day tomorrow.. Then a well deserved day off to track a bit, then a crazy weekend working 2 live seminars and writing a tutorial on the TR8.


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Met my deadline for the game, yay!

Worked 10-10 today with 3 hours of sleep and walked aaaaall the way home from the labs. 3 miles almost wooo! I’m sleepy.

Just happy I have a day to not worry about deadlines :)


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Did work on another game this week — first set of sounds and music was approved & the rest followed that theme so everything is sent in. Feels good to not have anything to do for others on Sunday. I have lots of my own music going on now and I’m excited.. Lots of work with bells, 8bit, guitars (usual weirdo style of mine) and I’m excited.

Ughhhhh I miss the green fields of England and nature in general. I’ve been reading a lot outside and I’m pumped to make my new schedule at work in a couple weeks. I don’t care how tired I am — I’m gonna try to get 2 marathon days of 8:30am - midnight and then a mini day. I need to get up earlier, I need consistency and no more random morning shifts after a bunch of nights. It’s not good for me!

I’m in kind of a bad mood lately because of rude behavior.. Why aren’t people just upfront?! What the eff ever. I’m gonna make cookies Sunday wooooot

And I need to buy running sneakers. And I need to start running.

And I should sleep because I have to get up in 4 hours, oops.


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Why would I dream of sleeping when I get to hear the sweet calls of birds with nobody about and the sun climbing up? It’s peaceful. I had a nice day with nice people and tea and good conversation and some music. I do so much solo work that I don’t realize how important it is for me to remember to interact with people outside of the digital world.

I’m drifting off to sleep.

I’m happy :)

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Playing “No Surprises” by Radiohead over & over again is making my heart melt. 2:02 and the buildup… dear lord. Carry my dead body because you just KILLED me. Loveeee. Thom Yorke has got such a versatile voice - soo odd, so unique, so perfect & harmonious.

2 tracks of mine in the making. My style is quickly turning to be ambient down tempo chiptune hip hop of sorts. Genres are stupid. I just love to write and create. I love bells. I love fucking with filters.
I love 8bit.

I’m learning more about myself. I feel like I bloomed more since this warmer weather hit.
Being in situations you don’t want to be in makes you realize what you need. Stick it out long enough and tough it out hard enough and you’ll break through to what your heart needs. I’m getting there.

I’ve got huge dreams. I don’t believe in failure. Real failure is not trying. I refuse to not try. I’m not afraid of much nowadays.

The past year of my life was me drowning in horrible memories. The absolute worst situation I’ve ever been in. Everything sucked and I was so hurt. It’s interesting how I could write forever about an experience because of how I remember it vividly, but I’m ok with it. Bitcrushed Memories is a hollow dent in me but I’ve since bloomed. I learned to love myself again and it’s more than ever before. I’m now so happy. I never thought that I would write that. Happiness is a choice.

I’m really excited to get my braces off. My orthodontist is so excited.. He uses my case to inspire others. I had such a cutesy overbite. It was really not that cute. It just made me look young. I was so self conscious. I don’t care anymore. I’m thrilled that before and current pictures he took inspire others to just go for it and get it over with. Braces are whatever. Nobody really cares.. They’re annoying. Boys have still thought I was cute with them on. Whatever. I’m excited to get them off. I still feel two tiny gaps in my teeth from when the ones behind my canines were pulled. My advice for anyone of my age (or of any) who needs them: DO IT.  I’m thrilled to never make a payment on them again. I think I have like 2 more months of them on and then they’re done.

Got asked to do some sound design for a grad student at Columbia’s film.. no budget so it’s really not top priority, but the crediting will be good & it’ll be good to network. What I do isn’t about the money but I do need to pay student loans bills, so I’ll see what I can do.

Word - getting ready to close my lab at work. Pcez

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Today was productive. Had work 10-10 and stayed at work till 1am working on the demo for the ad. The mix needs a lot of love still, but it’s all there. Progress! Sent it in.

It’s gorgeous out. 4:33am. Really enjoyed the walk home tonight and the moon.

Cleaned my room and filled up a bag with clothes I plan on donating. Forcing myself outta bed to run errands in the AM.

Came up with an idea for a new track. Massive is a really fun tool to use.

Today is gonna be gorgeous out :) As tired as I am and know I will be, I’d like to be out of the house by 10… Unrealistic (knowing me and my habit of shutting my phone’s alarm off while sleeping), but could give it a try :-)

Happy and excited for all these new things coming about.

It’s lovely to hear birds and sleep without socks on for the first time this year. But I love socks and miss them, wahhhh. Waaaahhhteva

It’s Sound Design Sunday!!! This little lady is gonna sample bells :-)

Ok, I’m nodding off. Night then!