You start to learn more about yourself when you’re out there living, dealing with situations, going through hardships and then observing the outcome. Always learning, always living. I’m an emotional person and always have been, and experiences write my music for itself.
I’ve been busy. I did a few sound replacements, worked on a game that got pulled from a game jam last minute, finished a track that I’m submitting to a collab record that I hope gets chosen, and just working. I built so many sound effects this week and it was tiring.
I feel kind of ill. I have to wake up early for work and my stomach hurts and I feel generally unwell.
I do not like the waiting game but all the best things come from it. I don’t like the anxiety of waiting. Waiting means someone else is choosing your fate for you and I like doing everything myself. Too independent for my own good. Patience is indeed a virtue..
Whenever I’m this stressed, I always feel like I put in too much effort and I get angry with myself. I need to just sleep this crappy mood off. 16.5 hour work day tomorrow.. Then a well deserved day off to track a bit, then a crazy weekend working 2 live seminars and writing a tutorial on the TR8.
Met my deadline for the game, yay!
Worked 10-10 today with 3 hours of sleep and walked aaaaall the way home from the labs. 3 miles almost wooo! I’m sleepy.
Just happy I have a day to not worry about deadlines :)
Did work on another game this week — first set of sounds and music was approved & the rest followed that theme so everything is sent in. Feels good to not have anything to do for others on Sunday. I have lots of my own music going on now and I’m excited.. Lots of work with bells, 8bit, guitars (usual weirdo style of mine) and I’m excited.
Ughhhhh I miss the green fields of England and nature in general. I’ve been reading a lot outside and I’m pumped to make my new schedule at work in a couple weeks. I don’t care how tired I am — I’m gonna try to get 2 marathon days of 8:30am - midnight and then a mini day. I need to get up earlier, I need consistency and no more random morning shifts after a bunch of nights. It’s not good for me!
I’m in kind of a bad mood lately because of rude behavior.. Why aren’t people just upfront?! What the eff ever. I’m gonna make cookies Sunday wooooot
And I need to buy running sneakers. And I need to start running.
And I should sleep because I have to get up in 4 hours, oops.
Why would I dream of sleeping when I get to hear the sweet calls of birds with nobody about and the sun climbing up? It’s peaceful. I had a nice day with nice people and tea and good conversation and some music. I do so much solo work that I don’t realize how important it is for me to remember to interact with people outside of the digital world.
I’m drifting off to sleep.
I’m happy :)
Playing “No Surprises” by Radiohead over & over again is making my heart melt. 2:02 and the buildup… dear lord. Carry my dead body because you just KILLED me. Loveeee. Thom Yorke has got such a versatile voice - soo odd, so unique, so perfect & harmonious.
2 tracks of mine in the making. My style is quickly turning to be ambient down tempo chiptune hip hop of sorts. Genres are stupid. I just love to write and create. I love bells. I love fucking with filters.
I love 8bit.
I’m learning more about myself. I feel like I bloomed more since this warmer weather hit.
Being in situations you don’t want to be in makes you realize what you need. Stick it out long enough and tough it out hard enough and you’ll break through to what your heart needs. I’m getting there.
I’ve got huge dreams. I don’t believe in failure. Real failure is not trying. I refuse to not try. I’m not afraid of much nowadays.
The past year of my life was me drowning in horrible memories. The absolute worst situation I’ve ever been in. Everything sucked and I was so hurt. It’s interesting how I could write forever about an experience because of how I remember it vividly, but I’m ok with it. Bitcrushed Memories is a hollow dent in me but I’ve since bloomed. I learned to love myself again and it’s more than ever before. I’m now so happy. I never thought that I would write that. Happiness is a choice.
I’m really excited to get my braces off. My orthodontist is so excited.. He uses my case to inspire others. I had such a cutesy overbite. It was really not that cute. It just made me look young. I was so self conscious. I don’t care anymore. I’m thrilled that before and current pictures he took inspire others to just go for it and get it over with. Braces are whatever. Nobody really cares.. They’re annoying. Boys have still thought I was cute with them on. Whatever. I’m excited to get them off. I still feel two tiny gaps in my teeth from when the ones behind my canines were pulled. My advice for anyone of my age (or of any) who needs them: DO IT. I’m thrilled to never make a payment on them again. I think I have like 2 more months of them on and then they’re done.
Got asked to do some sound design for a grad student at Columbia’s film.. no budget so it’s really not top priority, but the crediting will be good & it’ll be good to network. What I do isn’t about the money but I do need to pay student loans bills, so I’ll see what I can do.
Word - getting ready to close my lab at work. Pcez
Today was productive. Had work 10-10 and stayed at work till 1am working on the demo for the ad. The mix needs a lot of love still, but it’s all there. Progress! Sent it in.
It’s gorgeous out. 4:33am. Really enjoyed the walk home tonight and the moon.
Cleaned my room and filled up a bag with clothes I plan on donating. Forcing myself outta bed to run errands in the AM.
Came up with an idea for a new track. Massive is a really fun tool to use.
Today is gonna be gorgeous out :) As tired as I am and know I will be, I’d like to be out of the house by 10… Unrealistic (knowing me and my habit of shutting my phone’s alarm off while sleeping), but could give it a try :-)
Happy and excited for all these new things coming about.
It’s lovely to hear birds and sleep without socks on for the first time this year. But I love socks and miss them, wahhhh. Waaaahhhteva
It’s Sound Design Sunday!!! This little lady is gonna sample bells :-)
Ok, I’m nodding off. Night then!
- I saw flowers again
- I smell the earth
- I skip taking the bus by my apartment and walk to the station
- I don’t dread leaving work to endure the cold because its suddenly warmer and bearable
- I smile more.
- I wake up naturally at 8am (and sometimes fall asleep again)
- Sunlight. So much sunlight.
- A lot of sudden good luck, or good wishes.
Time continues to flow.
My album was played on a radio station Wednesdat night. I got an email from Dj Cutman and was soo excited when he aired 4 tracks. It was so cool and so humbling.
I sent in a proposal for something that might not be a go at all, but I took a chance and did so anyway. Happy about that.
Sending out another proposal today. Deadline city!
Doing audio for another slot machine game after Monday.
And I haven’t been stressed.
I’ll be having a few cool collaborations in the works soon after things die down.. Pumped. Working on my own tracks and thinking of doing live gigs.
Saw Richard Devine lectures and performances all this week. Enlightening, inspiring, awesome. In full force.
I love music. I love the people around me drowning in happiness and hard work to create amazing material. I’m inspired, grateful, and in such good spirits.
Sleep time. Work all day today!
Today was great. Got myself awake at 10:15am naturally (natural light WORKS for me).
Had a dream I was on a tour of places Shakespeare occupied.. So weird, realistic, and cool. Spent the last 30 minutes reading his sonnets. My favorite part: “To give away yourself keeps yourself still; And you must live, drawn by your own sweet skill.” How true is that? I won’t settle for anything less than I work for..
Met Scanner today!! Such a brilliant musician & great person. It was such a pleasure to talk about silly things and listen to his music. So much respect. It feels good to make a new friend!!
Worked a silly four hour shift - it was short. Didn’t get anything done — I forgot my external hard drive.
I pay off my braces today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)
Heading home around noon. Sleep time for now.
Really gonna try to make England happen.. The challenge overwhelms me at times but with a good attitude, I’m excited and motivated.
I find myself waking up so late and I often feel really, really guilty knowing the day is mostly gone, till I remember I was up till four or five working (or, in the case of last night, hacking up a lung in the final stages of this stupid cold). I worked on a new track last night and yesterday at my job, and today I’m doing a bit of work for the Subaru ad & syncing some audio to visuals for the company I do contract work for.
But right now, I’m sitting here with my rooibos tea and looking out the window a lot. It’s rainy and cloudy but it reminds me of England and makes me temporarily feel at ease but also really nostalgic. It doesn’t smell the same as it did there, though; no smells of wet concrete like how London’s got and definitely no smells of garlic plants from the woods like the southwest’s got. In fact, I can’t smell much of anything at the given moment, but Boston smells like nothing unless it’s the smell of sewers.
I’m elated — I earned enough from my audio contract job that I can pay off my braces on Tuesday. I’m so excited. Given the amount I pay monthly for loans, this is a huge, HUGE monthly financial burden off of my shoulders. I do owe back for federal this year, but it’s do-able. I’ve got another game in the works next week and I’m excited to give it a go.
I REALLY need to invest in a pair of rain boots. Hunter is expensive but I’ve read good reviews and they’d last a long, long time. I go through shoes like crazy. I need to stop buying stupid little cheap shoes and a proper pair because of the amount I’ve spent on crappy (but cute) little shoes.
I can’t believe it’s already 6PM!!! I am going to start forcing myself to wake up earlier. I’ve tried everything — putting my phone across the room so I have to get up to shut off the alarm, but I somehow convince myself “30 more minutes of sleep won’t hurt”, only till sleep for 5 more hours. I think I’m gonna start sleeping with the curtains drawn open. It’ll freak me out enough to think people are looking in my window and the light will wake me up. Hahaaa.
Alright, gonna get to syncing. Peacez
It makes me soo happy to login to hear and see so many Amy Winehouse blogs. I love her. I’m so happy I got to go to Camden last summer and sign the tree outside of her house. Amy!!!
I’m excited! My album is getting reviewed and I’m getting interviewed by a popular chiptune community site. Really cool. Everyone in this community is so happy. I got asked some really interesting questions that made me think a bit. I’m pumped for it to be published!
What else.. I came down with a cold and have been feeling kind of crappy the past few days, but it’s an excuse to chug more tea.
I’m hopefully getting paid for my contract audio work soon - would be great to pay off my braces..
I really need to bounce back into doing indie game work - there were soooo many games that disappeared off the face of the earth last year and it makes me look like I haven’t done shit on my portfolio when I definitely fulfilled my duties.. I need to surround myself around motivated and inspired collaborators only.
My goals for the week are:
- Finish up the work for the Subaru ad
- To recode up my website
- Get my demo reel all sparkly and nice
I always feel like there is so much more to do though, ahh!! My resume is thankfully up to date, but I gotta get my website up again and fill in credits.
I gotta stop beating myself up to much about credits. Sure, I worked A LOT last year but hey, this little last also got her student loans down 30k last year from the 90 hour workweeks. Granted I still have a long ways to go (isn’t that disgusting?), but I worked on a lot of soft synths and hardware pieces. I just feel like I’m close to a breakthrough.. Got the album out, working on another, gigs in the works, but I need a creative team to work with on a game. I need time away from MA once it gets nice out. I’m accruing PTO time, but every semester break is emphasized with learning new gear that is really important (we relearned the LS9 last week). Next break will be training in the new building. I might have to wait till next year for a vacation..
But yeah, I’m just hoping things in my head are going to work out. Won’t write anything yet because I don’t want to jinx it.
I hate student loans, I hate how the government wants MORE money from me after private banks screw everyone with interest rates (like seriously bruthas, fuck off.. Why do you only mark 2k of interest as a deductible when I paid over 5x that). I refuse to get stuck with where I am. Go go go go go!!!!